2010-08-17
I thought I’ve already made up my mind! Stuck in deliberative mindset?

I get frustrated with my occasional indecisiveness when it comes to some important decisions! At times I would even say I am a firm advocate of the “Assertive Right 4: You have the right to change your mind” from the assertive rights listed by Manuel J. Smith in his brilliant book on assertiveness  “When I say no, I feel guilty”.  

Recently I’ve had an A-ha moment that has helped me to make better sense of my indecisiveness. I’ve realized that at times I just get stuck in a “deliberative mindset” and fail to move into a “implemental mindset”.

These two mindsets* were coined by  Dr.Peter Gollwitzer, a leading researcher in the area of goal pursuit – followers of this blog would recognize the name from the post on implementation intentions. According to Dr. Gollwitzer, there are unique mindsets associated with how people go about pursuing goals.

Deliberative mindset refers to a cognitive orientation in which people evaluate and select a goal/alternative from many alternate goals/options that could be pursued at a given point in time. Say, when you’re trying to decide if you should stay with your current position or put yourself forward for that senior-level promotion.

This mindset leads people to consider relevant information in a careful and balanced manner. What are the advantages and disadvantages of my current position and those of the new position? Things to consider: more responsibility, more involvement in strategic decision, more visibility in the organization, better pay, new team, longer hours,  etc…

The desire to be accurate (unbiased) is stronger when in a deliberative mindset and people spend sometime in this mindset as they weigh pro’s and con’s of each option. Research also shows this might decrease the positive illusions we normally entertain about ourselves – such as, our ability to control uncontrollable events; being better than others; or our vulnerability to risks.

In contrast, in implemental mindset, people are concerned with the specific planning on how to implement the chosen goal. Let’s say you’ve decided forego the promotion option and to stay in your current position. The focus is now on the thoughts and actions necessary to achieve the outcome that you’ve decided to pursue (How can I make the best out of my current position?; How can I increase my visibility in the current position?; What are some ways I can improve at what I am doing to make it more fulfilling?)

Different to the deliberative mindset, implemental mindset is associated with an information search biased toward the chosen option, due to a focus on planning and action (e.g., great things about my current team; flexibility in managing projects; time I’ll have for other things). The determination to achieve chosen outcomes may foster a belief in one’s ability to realize these outcomes and thoughts that reflect the desire to feel good about the decision (This position allows me to make a bigger difference in the organization; I can be more successful with my current team;  etc..)

Now, “normally” the decision-making process starts with being in a deliberative mind-set; then making a decision after careful deliberation; and then moving to a implemental mindset where now it’s all about believing in the decision you’ve made and moving forward with it. But what happens when you’re stuck in a deliberative mindset? You relapse back to considering the alternatives again and again! So you find yourself considering the advantages of the promotion and seeing it as an alternative again?

What happens then?

• You spend time and energy that would be better spent on pursuing your chosen option, on deliberating between the two options.
  

• You start questioning the “goodness” of your previous decision and this reflects on your commitment to your goal – this is especially detrimental if the other option is not viable anymore (e.g., someone else is already promoted to the other position)
  

• Even if you end up with the same decision again, the subjective feeling of being convinced of it decreases (i.e., during the second or third round of deliberation you might come up with additional con’s to it) that could influence your motivation
  

• If it is a recurring pattern, this might decrease your confidence in your ability to make good decisions.
  

How to go about it?

• Spend enough time in the deliberative mindset at the beginning, comparing different options
  

• Document the decision process by writing down the pro’s and con’s of different options
  

• Once you decide write down the rationale behind your final decision in a narrative/paragraph form than in bullet form. Doing so would help with sense-making if you were to revisit your decision.
  

• If you find yourself “relapsing” back to the deliberative mindset, refer to your notes and remind yourself there is no value in reconsidering the different options again - unless there is new information. Refocus on your chosen goal and think of mentally switching a dial that reads: Activate implemental mindset!
  

This might need some training for people who in general experience indecisiveness. But like other cognitive structures or process you can modify this tendency. If you’re in that group, practice it even with minor decisions (e.g., which restaurant to go, which food to order, etc.,).

What if you generally don’t have propensity towards indecisiveness but find yourself getting stuck in the deliberative mindset with some decisions? This might be a sign of not being able to let go off the other alternatives and deserves some exploration.

• Could there be some hidden benefits and costs you haven’t considered?
  

• Have you taken the emotional pro’s and con’s in your deliberations in addition to the more rational/factual ones?
  

• Did you take a “What should I want/do?” or “What do I really want?” perspective?
  

At work or in private life, professionals have to make a lot of decisions - taking more responsibility and being more reflective about the decision-making process could only lead to better decisions.


* Mindset refers to a cognitive orientation characterized by certain ways of processing information or solving tasks. While one mindset can facilitate solving a particular task, let’s say choosing the best option among many others; it can hamper solving other tasks, such as persisting on the already chosen alternative.  

 
Aliye Kurt - Suedhoff

 

 

2010-08-06
Self-Handicapping: Are you sabotaging yourself to avoid evaluation or failure?

I was watching an old episode of Grey’s Anatomy – my only TV addiction – where a lawyer who’s about to take the Bar exam in a few days for the 5th time is brought in for severe burns in her hand. She says that before she took some practice tests, she wanted some tea so she put on a pot of water, set the timer and after 30 minutes the smoke alarm went off. When taking the pot off the stove she held on to it too long leading to severe burns. She explains that she should have known better and that whenever she is studying for the Bar that she can't focus on anything with all the stuff that she has to know. She complains how bad it is with what happened to her hand with the exam coming up. With all the complaining you would think she would be happy about the news when the doctor says they can get her fixed up and she'll be fine and can take the test, but instead one can clearly see the shock on her face… Well, in the end it becomes clear that she couldn’t stand taking the risk of failing yet another Bar exam:

“Can you imagine failing the Bar five times? It's absurd and pathetic. I can't sit for two and a half days to prove again to everyone how pathetic I am.”

This is a perfect example of the lengths people would go – although this one is quite extreme – to sabotage themselves prior to an important and potentially self-defining challenge. The name for this tendency in social psychology literature: self-handicapping. It is said to occur when people actively try to “arrange the circumstances of their behavior so as to protect their conceptions of themselves as competent, intelligent persons.” (Jones & Berglas, 1978, p.200)

Other examples:

• the athlete getting drunk the night before the game;
  

• the student who stays up too late studying so that the exhaustion impedes test performance;
  

• the employee who “gets” sick or sleep-deprived before important presentations;
  

• the expat/the immigrant who keeps on postponing taking that language course that would surely increase his chances of getting a promotion/job
  

Research has established that self-handicapping is motivated by uncertainty about one's ability or, more generally, anticipated threats to self-esteem. It is quite an ironic strategy when you think about it. The individual is so concerned about protecting self-esteem that they set themselves up for poor performance! The catch: they now have a good excuse for why they failed and it is not about their intelligence, talent or competence.

Here is what makes it an even more ironic and risky approach: Self-handicapping only offers a strategic advantage "in those settings where the attributional implications of performance are more important than the success of the performance itself" (Jones & Berglas, 1978; p. 201). Meaning, if the “why you failed” is more important than “you failed”. The outcome doesn’t change (you still underperform) but the explanation for failure doesn’t reflect on your intelligence, talent or competence.

Now, it works if that’s what is important or what you care about. But it is rarely the case that the outcomes does not matter! In other words, many times when we self-handicap to avoid self-evaluative feedback, the success of the performance really does matter.  The lawyer from Grey’s Anatomy won’t be able to avoid the failure even if she has the excuse of the “burned hand”. Yes, maybe it decreases the impact of the failure on her self-esteem because people will say “Oh, but she had a burned hand”, but really, she will know what really happened. And if she succeeds despite the burned hand – even a better outcome than passing the test without a burned hand!*

However, once the person uses self-handicapping over and over again, people stop being sympathetic about his excuses. Actually, self-handicapping is also self-deception focused strategy. It is not only targeting to protect your self-image in front of others, but you are also trying to deceive yourself into thinking “if you didn’t have that excuse you could have pulled it off successfully!” So you’re postponing putting yourself out there and give it all to see if you can actually pull it off. In other words, it is a reflection of the fear of not being able to make it if you were to give it your best.

How about you? Have you been tempted to literally create an excuse that would prevent you from being at your best? How did you rationalize your following suboptimal performance?  And of course, what would be a better strategy to deal with being evaluated or fear of failure?

Here’re a few ideas:

• Awareness, awareness, awareness! I think this is my default advice for any kind of coping and adopting a better strategy. Be more mindful of your thinking and behavioral patterns.
  

• Reframe the upcoming test/project/presentation also as a learning goal, rather than only as performance goal. Even if you fail – what can you learn from it?
  

• The above strategy requires having a growth mindset, that is believing that with effort, focus and perseverance people can improve their performance and qualities (see blog post 20.01.2009 for more). If you don’t have growth mindset (you can test it  here, adopting it would open up great perspectives for you!
  

• Make a it a choice! Weigh the costs and benefits of self-handicapping and then actively choose to (if you will) or not to do it. So, at least take the self-deception out own the equation.
  

* Research shows that high self-esteem people self-handicap to enhance success, whereas low self-esteem people self-handicap to protect against the self-esteem threatening implications of failure.  

References:
Jones, E.E, & Berglas, S. (1978). Control of attributions about the self through self-handicapping strategies: The appeal of alcohol and the role of under achievement. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 4, 200-206.

Dweck, Carol. (2006).  The New Psychology of Success.

 
Aliye Kurt - Suedhoff

 

 

2010-07-23
Do you know when to call it quits? (II)

And yes, sometimes the direction is right, but the way of getting there – well, not so much… This is also a tough one since the thought “But I am moving towards my goal/destination/vision” can prevent you from recognizing that there’s something wrong about the way you’re getting there.

One of my clients has been trying to move in the direction of higher level of leadership and responsibility for the past two years. Taking responsibility in leading her team, delegating tasks when necessary, mentoring her direct reports, making decisions related to deadlines, training, vacation, etc… However, along the way she was getting more and more frustrated. Reason? She found herself in a constellation of people (both at the management and the team levels) that made it very tough for her to move in the right direction. Her decisions were not being backed up by her boss threatening her ability to assert herself in her team. She had a few team members who not only failed to deliver quality work, but also had an indifferent attitude when she questioned them about it. But she was determined that she wanted to move to the next level of leadership and hence persisted in doing what she was in her current role. This was the point when we started working together.

At the beginning she was so convinced that she just needed to find a way to get the acceptance from her team and her boss if she was to get where she wanted to. At that point she had also started questioning her confidence and assertiveness. So, the move towards the direction she wanted was far from fulfilling to say the least!

How many people like that do you know who are in a similar position? Who find themselves hitting against a wall and spend most of their energy to demolish or dig through that wall because they are so convinced that, at the end of the day that’s the direction they want to go.

I have no problem with working to get rid of the obstacles on your way to whatever you want. On the contrary, I believe persistence and perseverance are key to success. My questions is: when do you say “Enough!”? What has to happen for you to ask yourself: “Yes, I want to move towards that direction but is it normal that I am so frustrated/ tired/ angry/ burned-out/ over-stretched/ unfulfilled along the way?”

When I started with a new path that I believed would help me move towards my vision and found myself tired, frustrated and unfulfilled along the way, my own coach asked me: “How long will you take it? How will you know it is time to stop? When will you know it’s time to say ‘Basta!’?” Hah, I thought…I rarely set criteria that will help me recognize when to call it quits*… And based on my work with my clients and observations of a lot of professionals around me, I am not an exception.

People rarely specify what needs to happen for them to change course and find another path that would take them in the right direction. Or when they do, generally that is limited to task-specific criteria: I’ll try this tool and if it doesn’t work (read: solve the problem, speed up the process, increase the sales), then I’ll try another one. But how about psychological indicators such as cognitive and emotional burden? Are we also willing to try another “tool” or path to get to there when the going gets tough?  

Well, I am happy to report that my client decided to say “Basta!”. She realized or decided that getting “there” in a fulfilling manner is as important as getting there. When you think about it, it is rarely about only the destination. The way of getting to your destination or in other words the journey or the process is an intricate part of the “right direction” from the very beginning.

And about my unfulfilled, frustrated journey? With the support of my coach I did define how I was to recognize the point where I call it quits. Despite that I must admit I did wait past that point. My learning? Next time calling it earlier to save myself time, resources and energy.


*”Calling quits” sure is a loaded term – and it is often associated with another loaded term “failing”. But as research also shows, knowing when to quit is a indicator of successful coping. It is also something high self-esteem people do more often than low self-esteem people especially when there are alternate ways to reach the goals.

Reference: Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I., & Vohs, K.D. (2003). Does high self- esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier life-styles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 4(Whole No. 1), 1– 44.

 
Aliye Kurt - Suedhoff

 

 

2010-07-16
Do you know when to call it quits? (I)

Mobility. The capability to move or to be moved. Ability to move or adapt, change or be changed. To move in the direction you want in a fulfilling manner.

This is the definition of mobility Timothy Gallwey uses in his book  The Inner Game of Work on focus, learning, pleasure, and mobility in the workplace. Now, you might ask what mobility has to do with the title of this post. Take a guess before you read on… Mobility? Calling quits?


Well, it has everything to do with the title. Being able to say “That’s it! Basta! Stop!” is a very valuable approach when you realize you are either moving in the wrong direction or you are moving in the right direction but not in a fulfilling manner. Even though at times it makes us question our ability to persevere, being able to say “I quit” is an underestimated, underappreciated strength.

My recent work with a few of my clients reminded me again how important it is to use that strength and how it opens up new perspectives and possibilities for people.

Let’s start with the first situation that should lead you to say “I quit”: you are moving in the wrong direction. There are few conditions for this to happen:

• Knowing what the right direction is (And what that “right direction” is deserves at least a few posts)
  

• Knowing what benchmarks you should pay attention to in order to confirm you are moving in the right direction (“I’ll know it once I get there” is not good enough!)
  

• Awareness that you are off-track when a deviation happens (This requires not being distracted under time and performance pressure or continuously operating on automatic pilot)
  

• Willingness and courage to accept you have been moving in the wrong direction (Often, we go lengths to believe and make others believe we are on the right way)
  

• Willingness to make changes to start moving in the right direction again (Since there might be “hidden benefits” of moving in the albeit wrong direction, eg., good money, status, approval etc.,)
  

A lot of the times people take too long to recognize and accept that they’ve been moving in the wrong direction. This might apply to many paths that we’re on in our lives, from work projects to companies we work for; from career paths to relationship paths… Panaceas?

• Take enough time and effort to clearly define what the “right direction” is.  The right direction in the current project you’re working on; the right direction for your career; the right direction in your relationships…
  

• You should determine not only the ultimate destination, but also the stations in between so that you can keep track of the course and become aware of deviations. Don’t set yourself up for a situation where you’ll say “How come I haven’t realized it for so long?”
  

• Within the pace of life it is easy to get carried away with time or performance pressure. You might find yourself from moving one task to another; one project from another , or even one relationship to another without a “chance” to reflect on how well your previous or next steps move you in the right direction. Use the following STOP tool to be more conscious and detect deviations in a timely manner:          
  

• Step back (from what you’re involved with)
  

• Think (What am I trying to accomplish? Am I moving in the right direction?)
  

• Organize your thoughts (Pull your thinking together in a coherent way)
  

• Proceed (Continue with necessary actions)
  

                                  

• Once you’ve realized you’re not moving in the right direction, you have to honestly ask yourself: “What is the cost of continuing in the wrong direction?” Time, energy, focus, enjoyment, stress, reputation, credibility, confidence, respect, relationships, purpose…?
  

• Do the above costs exceed the “hidden benefits” (e.g., comfort, familiarity, recognition, money, approval, status) of the current, albeit wrong, direction?
  

• After your cost-benefit analysis, ask yourself: “I which direction do I want to go?” Keep going in the wrong direction? Or call it quits and change course?
  

Next time…What if the direction is right,  but the way you get there is not so right? And the times when I called it quits.

 
Aliye Kurt - Suedhoff

 

 

2009-12-05
Falling prey to “False Consensus Effect”: Are you Normalizing Your Success?

In a study published 10 years ago Cornell University psychologists David Dunning and Justin Krueger (now at NYU) demonstrated an interesting relationship between competence and self-confidence.

Their findings showed that incompetent people were also unaware of their incompetence and tended to overestimate their performance. They seemed to lack the meta-cognitive skill that allows them to compare their performances to their peers and realize their own poor performance. Only after they got training to become more competent they also got better in assessing their ability. This, of course, presents an interesting paradox – people become more skilled at recognizing their incompetence once they were no longer incompetent.

What I’ve found equally interesting in their results was the inaccuracy of competent people in assessing their level of performance. In contrast to their incompetent counterparts, competent people tended to underestimate their performance – they had less confidence in their superior performance. In other words, they did not think that they performed particularly “great” relative to their peers; they thought they performed at a “normal” level.

What was the reason for their underestimation? Were they just being modest? Or did they also lack the meta-cognitive skill required for making accurate comparisons , just like the incompetent people?

The explanation of Krueger and Dunning for this “burden of expertise” is a well-established bias in social psychology: false consensus effect. This effect refers to our tendency to overestimate the degree to which our own behavior, attitudes, beliefs, and so on are shared by other people.

There are a few reasons for that tendency. First, we take our own behaviors, attitudes, or beliefs as a reference point, or an as anchor when predicting the behaviors, attitudes, or beliefs of other people. Secondly, we feel good when we think others would behave or think the same way as we do.  Besides, we tend to hang out and be friends with people who are actually similar to us – that further biases our point of reference when predicting the behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs of “majority”.

So, how does false consensus lead competent people to underestimate their performance? They project their performance onto their peers and “normalize” their success. They think others would perform at a similar level. The implications go even one step further when their peers are also high-performers – they might think what they are doing is just “normal”.

This might lead to a systematic pattern of underestimation in high performance environments. It might also give into perfectionist tendencies – thinking, to be “really good” you should be doing much better when in reality your performance is already superior.

How might this be relevant for YOU?

• Do you tend to explain your successes or good performance as “normal”?
  

• When complimented for your success do you respond “Thanks, but it’s nothing special”. Or go on to explaining how anybody could’ve done it? (That’s what I did years ago when my supervisor had pointed out how doing a Ph.D. was an indication of competence and success. Being surrounded with other graduate students, I tried to explain it away by saying ‘But that’s normal…” Well, I was simply normalizing my accomplishments.)
  

• Are you taking credit for your successes or are you consistently attributing it to external factors such as luck, “easy” assignments, “nice” evaluators (i.e., peers, clients, managers)?
  

If so, you might be falling prey to false consensus effect. The idea is not giving up the modesty and start bragging about your accomplishments, but rather acknowledging and appreciating them. This presents a number of benefits:

• A more accurate self-assessment goes a long way in managing your time and resources strategically. You’re in a better position to decide where your attention and self-improvement efforts should be directed to when you assess your performance accurately.
  

• A boost to your self-esteem. High self-esteem (see previous post) serves as a stock of positive feelings that lead to greater initiative and a decreased vulnerability to failures and stress.
  

• Positioning yourself better in relation to others. When you start normalizing your accomplishments others will start doing the same (about your accomplishments) even when initially they were convinced about your superior performance. Once you give yourself the credit you’ve deserved, others will follow.
  

Now, try to reflect back on your typical responses to your successes, are you a victim or the false consensus effect?



Reference:

Kruger, J. & Dunning, D. (1999). Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77, 1121-1134.

 

 

 

2009-11-27
“Confidence always needs to be a half-step ahead of competence”

This is one of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard of recently. Really, take a moment and let that sink… It is very precise about what should come first and by how much. When you think about it makes perfect sense!  

A full-step (or more, for that matter) ahead is too much, generating an over-reliance on self-confidence that is unsubstantiated.  This is very much related to the debates around the benefits of high self-esteem. Taken to the extreme, without a solid base high self-esteem can take a narcissist edge. That is, it becomes rather an unhealthy kind of self-esteem which is fragile, unstable and highly contingent upon external factors such as materialistic success, approval of others etc.. In other words, it is not backed up by a solid sense of competence – well, because it would be one, if not more, step ahead of competence.

We all know people who have that kind of self-esteem. Those who’ve made us recognize either their fragility underneath the egos they’ve built, or the complete unawareness of how unrealistic their positive self-views seem from outside. The outcome? Well, mostly these people live in a state of self-deception and continuously generate defenses such as boasting about accomplishments, downplaying or denying responsibility of failures, or putting others down as a way to make themselves look better.

Along the way, they either receive the pity and sympathy of people who recognize their fragility behind the surface, or they might encounter the displeasure of others who can not stand their boastful egos lacking the competence foundation. In either case the chances are they are not taken seriously or considered competent by others.

Confidence a full step behind competence is also problematic. In an earlier post I had written about four stages of competence – a model that describes learning as a journey that involves moving from incompetence to competence. In this journey confidence plays an important role especially for the transition from Stage 2 Conscious Incompetence to Stage 3 Conscious Competence.  

Conscious incompetence is an uncomfortable and awkward place to be – mainly because nobody enjoys feeling incompetent! But at that point your “half-step ahead confidence” acts as energy to pull you in the direction you need to go – that is, to Stage 3. With that pull you commit to whatever is necessary to improve your competence.

For those who are especially careful not to be boastful or over-confident, having confidence before – even if half a step – competence is not that easy. Many of us have internalized the “assumption” you feel confident once you have developed your competence.  It is most likely that the relationship between confidence and competence is a circular one where they continue feeding each other. But within that circle, especially when undertaking new tasks or committing to new areas puts one in a “novice” situation, that a half-step ahead confidence gives the first push.

The most important conclusion of a thorough review of studies on benefits of self-esteem is that high self-esteem serves as a stock of positive feelings that lead to greater initiative and a decreased vulnerability to failures and stress. These are qualities that indeed pull people up to Stage 3 (conscious competence) despite the wobbling at Stage 2 (conscious incompetence).

Then, the question is how to make sure that confidence does come a half-step ahead. Two methods come to my mind:

• Start with creating a vision of yourself at Stage 4  - Unconscious Competence - where your expertise or skill flows naturally. What would it look like to be there? How would you be behaving, responding, feeling? What would your posture look like, the way you interact with people? Once you have that vision try to live into that NOW as much as possible. This will “trick” your mind to start feeling that competence and confidence.
  

• Refer to your previous journeys of learning. Remember how you DID manage to climb from incompetence to competence. And please, ignore those self-limiting beliefs that start with “Yes, but….” (Yes, but that was in a different area; Yes but, I was younger then…etc.). Use previous experiences a) as a way to boost your confidence and b) to remember what tools helped you along the way (e.g., social support, having more structure, more practice…etc.)
  

And enjoy watching the dance between your confidence and competence – it’s all about getting the steps and the timing right!

Reference:

Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I., & Vohs, K. D. (2003). Does high self- esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 4(Whole No. 1), 1– 44.

 

 

 

2009-10-01
Time travel: Will I really want to go for a run at 6 a.m. tomorrow?

How many times have you found yourself being puzzled about not being able to follow up on your goals although you were so convinced when you set them? Examples?

• Checking emails is a time drain, I’ll only check them twice a day.
  

• I will meditate for 10 minutes every morning before breakfast.
  

• I’ll go to the gym every other day.
  

• I will never procrastinate and hit the send button 30 seconds before the project submission deadline.
  

• I will speak up more in meetings.
  

• I will be a better listener/ more patient with my “difficult” colleagues.  
  

I bet you can help me expand the list!

The funny part is that each time we are so convinced that “it will work this time!” We must be making some serious error or false assumption somewhere, don’t you think? Well, here’s one phenomenon that sheds some light on what might be happening.

In his book  Stumbling on Happiness Harvard psychologist  Dan Gilbert talks about presentism - the tendency to let our current experience to influence our view of the past and the future. In other words, when we evaluate the past or think about the future we take our present experience (e.g., mood, state of mind, motivation) as an anchor.

Among its many interesting implications presentism also influences the goal pursuit. Broadly speaking, the goal pursuit involves two steps. First we select a goal; then we implement the chosen goal. Presentism plays a role in both of these steps – this time I’ll focus on the first one.

As I’ve mentioned last time, it is important to choose not any goal – but rather a SMART goal (Specific, Measurable, Agreed upon, Realistic, Timely). That would sound something like: Running for 45 minutes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at 6 a.m. This meets the specific, measurable and timely criteria.

If the person wants and is motivated to take on running for 45 minutes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at 6 a.m., that would also make it agreed upon. In other words, the goal has been chosen by the person and not imposed on her by someone else. This corresponds to what some researchers call “self-concordant goals” –  that is, goals that are consistent with values and interests of the person.

Of course if it is a realistic goal or not depends on the person’s current level of fitness as well as her weekly schedule. Now, “presentism” plays an important role here – especially with respect your current mood and level of motivation. Research in the area of affective forecasting – predicting how you will feel in the future – suggests that we are pretty bad in our forecasts! That means when you try to predict how you will feel about running tomorrow at 6 a.m. you mainly rely on your current mood which is likely to be quite different from the one you’ll experience 6 a.m. tomorrow.

And this has important implications for the “realistic”ness of your goal. In other words, it seems pretty realistic right now because you are all motivated and determined about making it work, but that does not guarantee that you’ll feel that way when it’s time to get out of the bed tomorrow morning at 6 a.m.!

I think this nicely explains why we are puzzled by not being able to follow up on our goals that we were so convinced of when we set them. We base our predictions too much on the present experience and underestimate how fluid our moods and motivation to act could be.

In this situation researchers who study affective forecasting suggest doing some “time travel” – that is, representing the future as though it were happening in the present. To be able to that we need to use mental images of the future more often and more accurately.

For the running example this would mean imagining as vividly as possible your experience of waking up, rolling out of the bed, putting on your running gear at 6 a.m. And doing that 3 times a week. How realistic does it feel? Effortless, somewhat unpleasant, painful, impossible? Making an accurate assessment would make your goal pursuit more successful.

If your goal seems realistic after the “time travel” next steps of implementation are more likely to follow smoothly. But if your goal doesn’t pass the test, you would be better of adjusting it to make it realistic – that would also save you from feeling guilty and discouraged in your goal pursuit each time you hit the snooze button.

 

 

 

2009-09-09
Make it automatic!

I wish the title was related to a way I’ve found to make my blogs automatic but when I am on (a looong) vacation there’s still an inevitable gap. Rather, the title is about how to make our action-taking automatic in order to achieve our goals.

Most of us don’t have a problem in setting goals – you’ve probably heard of at least one version of SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Agreed upon, Realistic, Timely). What most of us struggle with is the following up part. It is one of the themes that come up quite often in both coaching sessions with clients and casual conversations with friends.

Latest was shared by a friend over the weekend as we cruised in the canals of Amsterdam. He mentioned how much he loves playing the trombone and knows how important to have regular rehearsals , but somehow he can not bring himself to do that. It is quite puzzling for him – why fail to do something that not only he WANTS to do but also ENJOYS to do. I am sure many people can relate to him – I for one always wonder why I don’t go dancing often even though I know that is one of the things I enjoy the most!

So what is one to do to follow up on his goals?

Part of the answer lies in exercising the “self-control” or “willpower” muscle I wrote about a few times before (e.g.,blog post dated 2009-06-23). Another technique I would like to mention this time is called “Implementation Intention”.  This framework was developed by  Dr. Peter Gollwitzer, a psychology professor at NYU, who is a leading researcher in the area of goal pursuit and motivation. His frameworks outlines the whole process from selecting appropriate goals to goal attainment. I would like to focus on the part where he talks about setting implementation intentions that increase the likelihood of taking successful action to reach our goals. Here are the 5 steps to do that:


Step 1: Set your GOAL INTENTIONS (e.g., “I intend to do regular rehearsals”, “I intend to exercise regularly”)

Step 2: Set a specific plan about HOW, WHEN & WHERE you will take action. (e.g., “practicing every Wednesday and Saturday at home for an hour”, “going running Tuesday and Thursday mornings for 30 minutes and going to the gym every Saturday for 1 hour”).

Step 3: Translate the above plans into implementation intentions in IF – THEN form.  (e.g., “IF it is Wednesday, THEN I will practice for 1 hour”, “IF it is Tuesday morning, THEN I will run for 30 minutes”)

Step 4: Make a list of possible distractions you might face along the way (e.g., feeling tired, limited time, TV, other interesting things)

Step 5: Set specific implementation intentions in the form of IF – THEN statements about the actions you’ll take when you encounter these distractions (e.g., “IF I feel tired, THEN I will rest for 15 minutes before my practice”, “IF there is something interesting on TV, THEN I will ignore it (the TV program)”)


The effectiveness of implementation intentions lies in the IF – THEN format. When you encounter the distraction you’ll take the action you’ve decided on without further thought – you almost make it AUTOMATIC! The same applies to goal-directed behavior – the day of the week will act as a trigger to take the subsequent action.

You might be thinking that this all sounds too simple and wondering why IF – THEN statements should make a difference. With these statements what you are doing is mentally linking an anticipated critical situation (e.g., day of the week or being distracted by TV) with an effective goal-directed response. Once “your system” detects the critical situation (and most of the time this might happen even without your conscious awareness) it automatically initiates the stored action linked to that.

This process nicely overcomes a few potential obstacles that you might face otherwise:

• difficulty in getting started (outlining how, where & when and automating action help with this)
  

• reflecting anew on the desirability of goal intention (automating action bypasses this)
  

• staying on track (overseeing distractions and having actions ready to deal with them help with staying on track)    
  

Studies have shown that implementation intentions make goal attainment more probable. When combined with setting appropriate goals and a well-exercised willpower/self control muscle you are more likely to achieve your goals by using these tools. So say it: IF I want to achieve my goals THEN I will use implementation intentions!

 

 

 

2009-07-28
Three fundamental human needs (Part IV): Can we be both autonomous and connected at the same time?

I think this is a question that many people struggle with from time to time.  The apparent conflict lies in thinking in terms of being autonomous/independent versus connected as if these are two opposite ends of a continuum. If you also see them that way I invite you to take a different perspective –  considering them as two different dimensions rather than being the polar opposites of the same dimension.

Being autonomous or independent - the third fundamental need we have - relates to the way we develop ourselves with a vision and goals we set to reach that vision. It is the almost the method/attitude with which we create our roadmap to who we want to be and how we want our lives to be like.

How you create that vision can either take an independent/autonomous form with you tapping into your unique being, your desires and dreams - in a way very similar to tapping into your ideal-self. Or you could create a vision more in line with the expectations of others (e.g., family, friends, colleagues) and the norms of the groups you belong to (e.g., the company you work for, the society you live in) without too much reference to your unique potential. This latter way is parallel to emphasizing your ought-self when you create that vision. (see blogpost on 2009-02-26 for more on ideal and ought selves)

Being connected relates to having close and intimate relationships marked by stability, emotional concern and continuation into the foreseeable future. That is quite a different dimension than what I’ve described above. Having those relationships does not mean you are not independent anymore. On the contrary, those relationships support you in the journey to your vision.

In other words, being autonomous or independent is a relatively within-person quality; whereas being connected is an interpersonal quality.

When you consider this way of looking at them it becomes clear that they are complementary rather than conflicting. In fact, our research findings show exactly that too. People who are both autonomous and connected experience higher levels of well-being compared to those who fall short in either or both of those qualities. They are less prone to depression; emotionally more stable; and enjoy higher levels of self-esteem and life-satisfaction.

Then it is not a good idea to pit autonomy against connectedness, but rather encourage both. But why are we sometimes tempted to think one would come at the expense of the other?

I think that comes from an assumption we make: “to be connected I need to incorporate other people’s expectations and desires into the vision I create for myself”. And I believe this assumption is partly sustained by the desire to fit in.  It is important to become aware of that belief and to question if that is indeed a valid assumption. I invite you to do that with an open mind…

References

Imamoglu, E. O. (2003). Individuation and relatedness: Not opposing, but distinct and complementary. Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs, 129, 367–402. Social Psychology, 142, 333–351.

Kurt, A. (2002). Autonomy and relatedness: A comparison of Canadians and Turks. Paper Presented at the Annual Convention of Canadian Psychological Association; June 2002,
Vancouver, BC.

 

 

 

2009-07-17
Three fundamental human needs (Part III): Being competent

One of the reasons why many of us are reluctant to try new endeavors is our need to feel competent. Especially if you are used to feeling competent in different domains in your work, relationships or leisurely activities it is uncomfortable to take on something new which will make you feel not so competent.

I am sure many expats can relate feeling incompetent when they find themselves struggling with the easiest tasks in their new environment. Again there are numerous examples in the tales of women told in the Expat.

An American woman who moved to Bangladesh shares her frustration in her search for a blanket. You might think how frustrating can it be to find a blanket?! But if you’re not sure where to shop for one on top of having to sleep in layers of clothing and still feeling cold night after night – it can be frustrating! Or consider another American woman who took a teaching job in Japan struggling to get her students to discuss the readings in class. Of course, I’m not even going to get into the whole language issue again – who feels competent while trying to express oneself with language capabilities worse than a 5 year old’s! The frustration accompanies feeling incompetent in areas that you are used to being competent – shopping, doing your job, expressing yourself…

But as important as the emotional costs, the expectation of feeling incompetent has other equally, if not more, serious consequences as it represents a major obstacle on the way of self-development. Sometimes we pass some potentially life-enriching opportunities because we don’t want to feel incompetent.

Achieving the sense of competence is one of the important developmental criteria starting from our early years in life. Erik Erikson – a prominent developmental psychologist – contended that each stage of life has its own “psychosocial” task, a crisis that needs resolution. In his  model of social development he suggests the critical stage between 6 years to puberty to be about competence. According to him toddlers who have tackled the trust, autonomy and initiative issues by that time now strive for competence, feeling able and productive. This forms the foundation of our sense of competence which gets tested over and over again throughout the life span.

As adults we’re also in an on-going journey from incompetence to competence. Realizing and acknowledging that it is a process makes it easier understand the reluctance when it comes to learning a new skill – may it be a new language or a new career. Knowing the stages involved in the process will further help us make a more accurate assessment of the situation.

The Four Stages of Competence Model
Also called the Conscious Competence Learning Model, this model nicely acknowledges that learning is essentially a journey that involves moving from incompetence to competence.

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence ~ I don’t know what I don’t know
This is the stage that could be summarized as the bliss of ignorance. You’re living in your home country and don’t have a clue about the challenges of daily life if you were to move to a new country. And it doesn’t even matter because it’s not relevant at this moment.

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence ~ Now I now what I don’t know
This is when you realize that you need your neighbor’s help to buy a blanket or understand your electricity bill. It is also the stage you find yourself when you change your career and become aware of your novice status. A lot of us get overwhelmed at this stage with the daunting task in front of us. The danger of giving up is a real risk especially if you don’t recognize that learning is a process and there are two stages ahead.

This is also the stage when your self-limiting beliefs (see post on 2009-06-12) interfere the most. With the shaky sense of competence it’s easy to start questioning your confidence, abilities, potential and the plausibility of reaching your goal. It is vital that you persist at this stage and that you can rely on that self-control muscle you’ve been exercising (see post on 2009-06-23). It will require quite a bit of self-control to continue your learning despite feeling incompetent and self-limiting beliefs. But remember, this is only the 2nd and the most uncomfortable part of the process – it will get better! Having your vision to keep you on track also is vital to move on to the next stage.

Stage 3: Conscious Competence ~ I know what I know
Once you persist in Stage 2, you build of a sense of competence as a result of learning. You are aware of possessing some expertise while still doing conscious thinking when you apply that expertise. Now you know where to shop for blankets among other things and rely much less on your neighbor’s help with day-to-day tasks. Until we gain complete mastery the process looks like a tennis game between stages two and three. You are comfortable in using your newly required skills with enough concentration and focus, however you still run into situations where you find yourself in Stage 2.

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence ~ I’m not aware, and I know
This is when your expertise or skill flows naturally. You don’t need to concentrate hard on what to do next – you leave the house without carefully planning every step of your shopping trip! You engage in the necessary actions without much thought. You no longer think the past tense for an irregular verb – you just say it.

A lot of the times the difficulty of learning a new skill, being in a new context, or going through change is due to not realizing or acknowledging that these are processes that take time and follow a pattern. This awareness alleviates the feeling of being stuck – generally at the Conscious Incompetence stage.

Self-reflection into where you are in your learning journey will benefit you in several ways:

• it will give you the control over emotions associated with feeling incompetent – recognize and label the emotion (i.e., “I am feeling frustrated /impatient/upset because…. ) and acknowledge it is normal and part of the process and it will change.
  

• it will give you chances to celebrate as you move forward in the process. This is something most of us neglect to do – just like you acknowledge emotions do the same for your successes. Don’t be too modest or normalize them – take credit for them!
  

• you’ll be better in managing the swings you experience between stages two and three. You wouldn’t feel like all your efforts are gone astray just because you run into difficulties.
  

Finally remember to compassionate towards yourself. Recent research shows  self-compassion to be as valuable a resource as self-esteem. Ask yourself how you would react to a friend when she’s experiencing ups and downs in her learning process – you’d champion her when she feels incompetent and you’d cheer for her when she succeeds, even when she is being modest. You deserve the same treatment for yourself!