I meant to write about our fundamental need to perceive our world as stable and predictable. How we need an anchor. I sat down at my desk and thought having a slideshow of random photos on my computer combined with some of my favorite music at the background would be inspiring as I write. But with the first few pictures, I changed my mind about the topic – let me tell you why….
Today has been a day of longing for Vancouver. With a few coincidences that I will share, I was reminded of this amazing city I called home for 8 years. It started with a card I received from a fellow coach. The card had a Thunderbird in the center – an important figure for the First Nations of Pacific northwest. It made me realize how much I’ve missed being surrounded by rich symbols of the First Nations when I lived in British Columbia. I have a framed print of the Raven – a symbol of creation, prestige, and knowledge hanging in my office.
Then I heard the cries of seagulls, which for me has become a constant reminder of ocean – which I had had the privilege to see every single day in Vancouver. In the afternoon when I talked to my parents, they told me how they had come across the photos they took when they visited me in Canada as they set out to select photos for print. We talked about the wonderful time we had there and how we all miss the amazing nature of Vancouver.
Well yes, then came the slideshow… You can guess which photos were among the first in the line up! Photos of coast mountains, sunsets over the Pacific, eagles in the huge Stanley Park nestled in the middle of the city … and of friends, lots of friends – from diverse backgrounds… and of me – happy to be surrounded with nature and friends… That was when I felt the intense longing and decided I have to write about Vancouver, about missing and about letting go…
In their book ‘A Portable Identity’ Debra Bryson and Charise Hoge talk about a very important resource for people on the move – ability to let go. They define this ability as “giving up your attachment to the way your life was before some event, decision, or change altered its course…
Letting go implies that you are holding onto something that needs to be released”. They point out that is not an easy thing to do because most of the time the thing you’re holding onto – your home, life-style, relationship – provided you with security. This relates to the theme I originally wanted to write about: our need for stability and predictability all serving to the higher-order need for security. In Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs, our need for security so fundamental that it comes right after the basic physiological needs.
A very important question to ponder on is ‘What are some things that you’re holding onto which might be blocking your way in adapting to your environment?’ Your roles, relationships, lifestyle – mountains & ocean? Without the awareness and working on “letting go” it becomes difficult to enjoy what you have. Then comes a point of decision – do you let go and focus on ‘here and now’, or do you fail to enjoy what you have because you’re still very attached to what you had before?
Here’re a few questions to guide you in your journey of letting go:
- What do you miss about your life before your move? Make a list of things you’re still attached to.
- How are you dealing with the discrepancy of not having those things anymore? You deny it? Get angry? Acknowledge it? Pretend?
- Think of a time when you successfully let go of something you were very attached to – how did you do it?
- What will become possible/ available to you when you let go?
As for me, I feel that I am still somewhat in the ‘transition area’ when it comes to my attachment to Vancouver. Success in letting go lies in coming to terms with what letting go really represents – here’s my favorite part in Bryon and Hoge’s views on the topic:
“Letting go is not about forgetting or denying or ignoring what it was. Letting go is about trusting that the past will survive in you, in your memory and in your essential core self”