‚“Rabbits have a powerful notion of their territory. They stay inside the self-proclaimed boundaries no matter what. Even if a coyote chases them to the brink of their known land, and escape is in sight, they will turn around and run straight into the jaws of the predator rather than risk the new ground.”
This was shared in a blog post I read a few days ago. I don’t know anything about rabbits, or if they actually do behave like that but I thought this provides a powerful image about the topic I would like to write about – self-limiting beliefs.
Self-limiting beliefs (SLBs) constitute a core area in my coaching work. Most of the time people complain about external obstacles ranging from circumstances such as workload, to other people such as competitive colleagues . But really, the biggest obstacle that keep them from where or who they want to be are these beliefs they hold on to – consciously or more dangerously, unconsciously.
- I am not creative/extraverted/ambitious enough.
- I am not confident enough.
- I don’t have the necessary skills/experience.
- I can’t handle it.
- I must be perfect.
- I should make everyone happy.
- No one wants to get to know me.
Sound familiar? It is not that we are acutely or consistently thinking or aware of these beliefs, YET they do continue limiting us.
The workings of our minds rely on two types of processing. Controlled processing is the thinking that we are conscious and aware of, that takes up our brain energy and resources. Automatic processing, on the other hand, is the type of thinking that continues running at the background, effortlessly and outside our awareness.
To make it more concrete, imagine you are having a meeting with your boss. Formulating an argument as to why you should use a particular strategy involves controlled processing; reading her body language and other nonverbal cues to assess if she is convinced by your argument as you speak are mostly handled through automatic processing. Recent research shows much of our processing fall under the second category, and of course this has powerful implications for our thinking, emotions, decision-making, and behaviors (more on this on another post).
What is important in this context is that many SLBs do operate at the automatic level – they almost act as lenses through which you perceive and evaluate the world and yourself. Inevitably, they influence your goal setting, motivation, and behaviors even when you are not aware of them.
One of the best things you could do for yourself is to shine the light of awareness on the SLBs to bring them to your consciousness so you can do something about them. That means you take a step to become aware of the territory you’ve trapped yourself into – unless you would like to avoid the consequences, of course. The consequences, though not as terrible as the one for the rabbits, might include missing out on
- coming close to your ideal self
- taking a shot at your dream job
- meeting some amazing people
- moving forward in your career
- living a fulfilling life
And if you ask me, they’re worth serious consideration.
Yet, I bet there will be some serious resistance and a lot of rationalization that will make the discovery challenging, especially because these SLBs do serve some purpose. Their “hidden benefits” include protecting you (and your self-esteem) from rejection, failure, responsibility, or hard-work. No wonder they’ve become automatic over the years! A few ways to “uncover” the SLBs:
- Take a look at you ideal self (see the earlier post from 2009-02-26 on ideal and ought selves) and ask “What beliefs or stories I’ve been telling myself have been keeping me at a distance from my ideal self?”.
- Make a list of things you really really want(ed) to do; the goals you set for yourself but have been ignoring or neglecting. Do some thinking on why you haven’t been working towards them.
- Reflect on those almost “outrageous” dreams you want to realize – so “out-there” that you didn’t even dare to include them under your ideal self (e.g., running a marathon, setting up your own business). They are great in mining the most powerful SLBs.
Once you’ve done that, you might ask “Now, what?” First of all, acknowledge your accomplishment: awareness is one of the most important steps of tackling SLBs – now you know what your self-proclaimed boundaries are. Next time some tips & tools to start working on them…